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When they finally appeared, many people thought they were unnecessary, impractical and even scandalous
When I was 17 years old, I started to question my gender. I remember my first week of college, having come from an all-girls school to a mixed gender environment for the first time, feeling awful in my fitted sweater vest and long hair. I pulled a bin bag full of my brothers’ old clothes down from the loft, and that became my wardrobe. It was amazing how quickly people understood what was happening with me just from my clothes, and thus a lifelong journey with my gender began.
It wasn’t until December 2022 that I began learning to sew; growing up watching my mum applique sofa cushions didn’t inspire me to sew. In primary school, I jammed every sewing machine I used, desperately trying to finish a pencil case I’d never use. Sewing, much like my gender, had been there my whole life, but I didn’t really click with it, until I did.
Foam swords and muddy fields
Have you ever heard of LARP? It stands for ‘live action roleplay,’ and it’s the entire reason I discovered a passion for sewing. My friends would tell me stories of fighting pretend battles with foam swords in muddy fields, but when they told me about how extravagant the outfits were, my interest piqued.
I learned of a fictional nation called The League, where fashion was status, and nothing was too much. I saw gold trim, 14th-century doublets and stunning brocade. I knew this was something I wanted to be a part of, so I jumped straight in, no experience, no pattern, and absolutely no right to succeed. Despite all this, I created what I would humbly call a beginner’s masterpiece.
first self-drafted ‘beginner’s masterpiece’ outfit
for The League where fashion is a status.
When I took to the field in my handmade doublet and shorts on a freezing April weekend, I was greeted by compliment after compliment, and I felt a kind of euphoria I’d previously only associated with gender. Gender euphoria is a feeling of pure joy associated with being seen as or seeing yourself as the gender you know yourself to be.
Trans people experience something called gender dysphoria, where the gender you’re assigned or seen as doesn’t match the way you feel – it can be a vicious and jarring feeling that can be hard to overcome. Gender euphoria is the antithesis of that. When you’ve experienced dysphoria for so long, gender euphoria is like the light at the end of the tunnel. When I first wore my brothers’ clothes to college and a man on the train called me a ‘young lad’ I felt gender euphoria for the first time. I was so happy I almost cried.
The second item of clothing I made without a pattern was a type of waffenrock which is a historical kind of… well, it’s a dress, really. At least, what I made was a dress. I was nervous to wear this to LARP. Not because I thought I hadn’t done a good job, it certainly wasn’t perfect, but the blue fabric was stunning. I was nervous to wear something so similar to a dress because I wasn’t sure how it would make me feel.
a runway model in their homemade bloomers
and waffenrock – their second self-draft pattern.
The LARP community is so open and accepting of gender diversity and queer people, so I felt safe enough to explore. I felt adorable and even made some bloomers with white lace and bows to go with it. I pranced around that field with the confidence of a runway model. This is all to say that clothing and the way you present yourself can have a wonderful kind of magic. So, to open up a world where I was capable of making anything I could imagine was like finding a cheat code to life. I now have the power to be seen however I want.
What even is gender?
When I first came out, I told people I was a transgender man. I spent years exploring my masculinity, overcompensating to be taken seriously, and wearing a costume of manliness. It took a long time, a few years of testosterone treatment and a surgery to remove my breasts before I felt calm enough to look deeper.
Circling all the way back to shopping in the women’s section was odd, but everyone knows that women’s clothing is objectively more interesting. I was comfortable enough in myself to wear the things that sparked joy. Now, I identify as non-binary, which for me means that I’m partly a man, but not completely, there’s another part to my gender that doesn’t fit into the ‘male’ or ‘female’ boxes. The problem with this is that sewing patterns don’t understand!
Sewing patterns are gendered
Okay, so not all sewing patterns are gendered, but the majority are. Unless you teach yourself the art of removing darts it can be really difficult to find patterns that work for trans bodies. I adore dresses, but since I’ve not got the shape to fill out the bust area, none of the patterns work for me. When I started sewing, I first looked for free patterns and found shockingly few aimed at masculine people, and even less patterns that were labeled as gender-neutral.
I found myself wondering, is this because we all know women’s clothing is more exciting? Or is it because more feminine people sew and make patterns? Either way, I was finding myself in a world where I was surrounded by feminine people. Perhaps this was part of the reason I hadn’t taken an interest in sewing in my teenage years, being so preoccupied with masculinity, and projecting a version of myself that could be accepted as a man.
I know we have moved on, and people of all genders enjoy sewing, but it’s still a hobby that comes with a stereotype. It certainly doesn’t bother me, as a 28-year-old adult, to be associated with a feminine hobby, but I am still keen for the world to catch up and start moving beyond gendering crafts.
Sewing, my gender, and me
Sewing has become another area of my life where I’m unpicking the binary of it all, I’m trying to look beyond what a pattern tells me is possible, and instead finding what I want to see. It has given me another lens to explore my own gender through. How the world sees you can be important, and I want people to see me through my sewing.
fashioned out of curtain fabric.
I want people to see me as what I create, not how I was born. With each item of clothing I make, I explore new sewing skills, and sometimes even new ways I want to be seen in my clothing. I may still be in my ‘making things out of curtains’ era, but there’s something really special about how sewing makes me feel. It’s deeply therapeutic and I will always be grateful to foam swords in muddy fields for helping me to find this hobby.
Get creative
Have a go at sewing a me-made wardrobe with a pattern from the Gathered Shop!
